The Great Pretenders
by cool-nick-miller
Summary: Jess takes her responsibility as Nick's pretend girlfriend very seriously, leading to some shenanigans inside the infamous photobooth (New content added where Nick returns the favour and things snowball...) *I do not own anything related to New Girl*
1. Chapter 1

THE GREAT PRETENDERS. PART ONE.

Jess left the bathroom feeling completely free for the first time that evening. Those pesky little shorts had been cutting off her circulation all day and she just couldn't stand it any longer. She'd had to rip them off, there was nothing else for it. Sighing with great relief at the freedom her thighs were enjoying, she stepped up to the bar to grab yet another glass of wine. Looking around to see if she could spot the guys, her attention was drawn to the photo booth in the corner of the room. Two pairs of legs inside that looked familiar.

 _Oh, Nick_.

Watching him so desperate to impress Caroline had been a little depressing. She had to save him from himself. If he couldn't rely on her as his fake girlfriend, then who could he rely on?! Striding over with purpose, and perhaps a little fuelled by alcohol induced bravery, Jess flung back the curtain and pointed accusingly at them. Nick groaned at her appearance (not the reaction she was expecting) and rested his head heavily back against the booth, eyes closed and a look on his face that screamed ' _Ugh, you again?!_ ' She frowned - because, well, that was pretty rude - and narrowed her eyes in their direction.

"I trusted yooooouuu!"

"Jess..." Nick's voice was laced with warning.

"How could yoooouuu?" Jess was good at ramping up the fake drama.

He rolled his eyes at her over-the-top acting and sat forward. Before he could say anything, Caroline rose quickly to her feet, stepping out of the booth uncomfortably and turning to Jess.

"We didn't...nothing happened" Caroline started "...I should go...Bye, Nick."

They watched her walk away to the bar together before Jess turned around to face him with a triumphant look. She was met with a stony faced glare from Mr Suspenders.

"What are you doing, Jess?"

"I was rescuing you, Nick!" she responded indignantly, hands on hips

"I didn't need rescuing! I was fine! Caroline and I were talking and we were doing fine_"

"Oh, you were?!" She interrupted and stared hard at him.

"Yes!"

"Right, so...did she tell you about the photographer I saw her canoodling with behind the cut out of Steve and Bree about a half hour ago?"

He fell silent and leant forward, elbows resting on his knees. He placed the bottle of whiskey he was holding on the floor and bought his hands up, covering his face. Jess had never seen anyone look so defeated and it made her insides hurt. Nick was a good guy, he didn't need to be messed around like this. She laid a tentative hand on his shoulder and he automatically scooted over so she could squeeze herself on to the seat next to him. Closing the curtain, she sat down. They were both slightly at an angle due to the tiny seat, thighs pressed together and arms leaning in to one another. He looked up at her with a forlorn expression and Jess had an overwhelming urge to just hug the shit out of him. A good hug worked wonders for her when she was sad...but, she was still a relatively new addition to his life and wasn't sure it would quite be appropriate so she settled on a friendly knee squeeze instead.

"What am I doing, Jess?" He mumbled "She's making me look like a mug"

"She doesn't deserve someone like you, Nick. She's been manipulating you the whole day, and that's just super mean."

"You don't even know her..." He sighed feebly

"I don't need to know her. I know _you_." Jess fixed him with a sincere look "I haven't been around you guys that long, I'm aware of that...but I've seen enough to know that you have a good heart, Nick. What she's doing to you isn't fair. She's being a bitch!"

He gave a rueful laugh and placed his hand on top of hers, still resting on his knee.

"It's just - we were together for a long time and I thought maybe we could have had something worth trying again for. You know? I don't know...I'm very drunk right now..."

Jess pondered for a moment on how she could help him salvage some dignity from this evening. A thought flickered across her mind but she quickly swatted it away. _That was a bad idea_.

 _Or...maybe..._

"Look, Nick. It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and take back control" she made a fist and raised it into the air for added emphasis.

"And how do you propose I do that, Jessica?" He raised a brow, intrigued.

"Well, I know women like Caroline. She's exhibiting typical 'I-don't-want-him-but-I-don't-want-anyone-else-to-have-him' behaviour. You saw her face, she hates me! She couldn't wait to sneak in here with you like she still laid claim to part of you and wanted me to know it"

"Your point is...?"

"My point _IS_ , Nicholas, what better way to stick it to her than to let her catch word of her ex having an amazing, perhaps inappropriate, time inside this here little photo booth with his current (fictional) girlfriend?!"

"That's your plan?"

"It's all I have...you're not the only one who's drunk y'know..." she laughed and looked down, thinking maybe she should just leave and let him get on with wallowing in self pity after all "Ignore me, it was a dumb suggestion."

"No, no...I mean, you're not... _not_ making sense." Nick swallowed and met her gaze "But, how do we do that?"

"I guess we'll have to use our imagination" she replied quietly.

They stared at one another for seconds longer than was necessary, his eyes deep and dark peering into her sparkling ocean blues. A shock of excitement ran through her unexpectedly. He was leaning his face in closer to hers.

Closer.

Even closer.

And... _Oh my god_ , he was about to kiss her.

His lips met hers and she closed her eyes against the feel of his gloriously warm, soft mouth. His stubble grazing her skin, making her stomach flip and the air leave her lungs in surprise. It was like some kind of odd, scratchy, pleasure/pain experience.

And... _Oh my god_ , she was kissing him back.

Little nibbles and soft pecks at first, because neither were quite sure what the hell was happening here, but on finding that they were both very much enjoying this new found connection, allowed themselves to kiss longer, kiss deeper. Nick placed a hand tentatively on her bare thigh and she bought her hand up to his face in response, so he gripped her a little firmer and his fingers brushed the hem of her dress.

"Hey! Who's in there?" called a guest from outside "Quit hogging the booth, man!"

The interruption caused their heads to snap back and bought them back down to earth from the intoxicating lust that had been wrapping itself around them as they kissed harder and faster.

Jess jumped at the sound of the stranger thumping the metal and she looked at Nick wide-eyed, like they'd been caught red handed doing something very, very silly. Her mouth was open slightly, her lips red and plump. He suddenly felt his heart rate increase at the realisation of what had just happened. They didn't think this through. This was not a good idea, at all.

 _She is your new roommate, you idiot! You can't feel her up in a photo booth! What are you doing?!_

Nick removed his hand from her thigh as if he'd just received an electric shock and ducked his head, grimacing at his terrible decision making. He looked at her and scrunched his face up in apology. He opened his mouth to speak, looking genuinely upset "Oh my god, I'm so_"

"Come ooonnnn!" slurred the random man aggressively, banging his hand repeatedly on the booth and making Jess yelp in pain as he missed the side and landed a thump on her upper arm through the little curtain.

Jess saw Nick's eyes flash darker, he was getting angry at this jerk outside for being so rude. She felt his hand land protectively on the small of her back as he called out in temper "Back off, asshole!"

For some reason unknown to her, this made a whole host of feelings swell and rise up inside Jess like a wave. Nick was standing up for her, and she liked it. She liked it a lot. It was just like when she had to collect her stuff from Spencer. He was there by her side, he had her back, he was looking out for her. Now he was doing it again. Jess's face softened before the guy butted in yet again, his speech garbled from drunkenness.

"You don' own tha' damn booth, get out!"

"It's **_occupied_**!" she yelled loudly, with an authority that surprised them all "Move along, pal! We'll be finished when we're finished."

After a grumble of displeasure, the guest staggered away leaving them in peace once more.

They sat in silence, the incident having sobered them both slightly. Jess took a peek around the curtain, checking that the idiot was gone. Her eyes landed on Caroline at the other side of the room, watching the booth with heightened interest. Flashing her a mega-watt smile, she ducked her head back inside, saying nothing. Nick turned to her and tried to speak again. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, to blame the alcohol or his cruel bitch of an ex-girlfriend for messing with his head, to explain that it was just a poor judgement call, but the words died on his lips and his eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing as - instead of being angry or upset or thoroughly pissed off at him for dragging her into this situation in the first place - Jess simply leaned herself towards Nick and swung a leg over his lap so she was straddling him. A knee either side of his hips.

Well, this was unexpected.

He looked up at her in disbelief and felt his trousers tighten instantly at the sight of this beautiful woman on top of him.

 _Oh shit, I hope she doesn't notice that._

She did.

Jess was biting her bottom lip in a way that did unspeakable things to his nether regions. He swallowed hard as she held his gaze and bought her hands together across his shoulders and behind his neck. She stroked the soft hair at the base of his skull and it made his eyes close as a shiver shot down his spine. When he re-opened them he saw her looking down at him. He suddenly felt uncertain, his mind racing.

 _'is this a good idea?!_ '

She must have sensed it, giving him a nod of reassurance that she was a-ok with this. He relaxed a little, finally lifting his hands to rest on her waist just as she dipped her head down to kiss him again. It was different this time, not like a few moments before - this time there was a certainty about it. A sureness. A confidence. He kissed her back urgently, parting her lips with his tongue and holding her hips tight. Nick could feel her press herself down into him a little as he did, and a low moan escaped involuntarily from his throat in to her open mouth.

 _Wow_.

Whatever was going on between them right now, it felt amazing. It wasn't like Nick hadn't thought about Jess this way since she moved in. Of course he had. How could he not? She was as beautiful as they come. And smart, and kind, and funny. But thinking about it (repeatedly) after she walked past him in a towel after showering and having something *actually* happen in a photo booth at a wedding were two entirely different things. But she was clear before, this was just to make Caroline pay attention, right? Don't read too much in to it, Miller. You're both drunk anyway. You'll regret this in the morning...probably.

Jess could feel her heart pounding. Was she really straddling her roommate in a photo booth? _Her, Jessica Day?_ This may well be the dumbest decision she'd made in a while but, in fairness, those cocktails and glasses of pink wine had her feeling super twirly at this moment, and she was only here to make his ex jealous, right? Might as well do it properly. Commit to the cause. Throw caution to the wind. If that meant making out with him, then so be it. It wasn't exactly a chore, Nick was looking super hot in his suit, and he turned out to be a total pro at kissing. It was _good_...surprisingly good. It made her tingle down below. Nick seemed to appreciate it too, judging by the tent forming in his trousers.

His mouth was hot and wet against hers. He tasted like whiskey and sadness. Like want and lust, and like a... _like a man_. Every now and then he'd break away to bring his lips over her earlobe, drawing a small sigh from her as his tongue danced on the soft skin of her neck and traced it's way down across her bare collarbone. Jess's fingers alternated between playing softly with his hair and reaching across to grab at his shoulders. She noted with appreciation how broad and solid he felt under her arms, contrary to Schmidt's constant digs about his chubby demeanour.

Nick's hands had travelled back to her thighs, his fingers stroking and caressing and... _oh, hello_...moving further up towards her ass just as she began playing her tongue against his.

She remembered her recent trip to the bathroom at the exact moment his fingers traced the area below her bare backside and then suddenly stopped in their tracks. Pulling back sharply and breaking their kiss, his eyes were as wide as hers and his mouth fell open in shock as he looked up at her.

"Jessica!" He croaked, breathless "Where is your... _underwear_?!" Nick couldn't help but chuckle slightly as he asked, because he saw the realisation spread across her face and the colour flood her cheeks as she cringed.

"Oh...yah, about that...I kinda cut them off. Just now. In the bathroom."

"You cut your _underwear_ off?!"

"Well, they were shorts. Tiny shorts. Really tiny. But they were cutting off my blood supply, man! My thighs needed some air..." Jess giggled and wrinkled her nose before falling silent and looking down at him. They were both aware of the fact his hands were still cupping her naked butt cheeks. Swallowing hard, her gaze stayed fixed on his.

"That's...that's ok, right?"

Nick's eyes darted down to her mouth and back up again. Slowly licking his bottom lip, he nodded to her silently and the air instantly became thick around them. The only sound to be heard in that moment was each other's breathing. Heavy and loud. He left his hands where they were and pulled her tight against him, making her gasp a little as his crotch met with hers. Nothing between them save for the material of his trousers which did little to disguise his erection. Jess laced her fingers together at the nape of his neck and kissed him hard. He opened his mouth immediately for her and their tongues met, dancing furiously. She pressed herself in to him, arms sliding down and around his front. Their chests pushed together. Jess felt him rock his hips up into her and a moan escaped her lips.

"Oh, god...!"

She clamped a hand over her mouth as soon as it came out, suddenly embarrassed by her increasing arousal. Nick smirked and bought a hand up to her face, pulling her down to meet him. Covering her lips with his, he pressed up into her again, intentionally slowly but with a clear purpose. Feeling Jess hum her appreciation against him, the vibrations sent shockwaves down in to his groin.

Nick's right hand was back on her waist, settled underneath the material of her dress. His thumb was stroking the gloriously soft skin of her pelvis just below her hipbone and he thought that this might well be his favourite spot of the female body. So underrated, but erotic as hell. He allowed himself to venture lower towards unchartered territory and heard her breath catch in her throat as she felt him graze against her most sensitive area. He paused, giving her the chance to stop him if she wanted to - but really, _really_ hoping that she wouldn't.

She didn't.

Jess felt a jolt of pleasure surge through her body as his thumb started to caress her again. His touch was firm yet gentle and she closed her eyes as a throb began to build between her legs. Breaking away from his mouth, she shifted her weight forward on to her knees slightly so as to allow him easier access. Winding her arms back around his neck, she ran her tongue across his earlobe and he felt his trousers straining desperately as her ragged breath fell on his skin. Nick began to stroke her with two fingers, he could tell that Jess was completely turned on as her body reacted instinctively to him, becoming slick from his movements, and for a second he wished so much that they were anywhere but this stupid booth. He barely had room to move and she was pressed up against him so close he could feel her heart pounding. The heat between them was real. There was no denying it. It had been like opening Pandora's Box - but for now, they would continue to _pretend_ they were pretending. It was less messy like that. He knew there was no way this moment would end the way he wished it could, but he had never felt as sexy in his entire life as he did right in this very moment, with Jess on his lap, mewling in his ear at his touch.

He worked his fingers against her and she fisted his shirt collar in her hands, trying to suppress the groan desperately fighting to break free from her lips. He was circling her with his thumb whilst wrestling her tongue with his. Nick stopped for a second, wanting to continue his exploration but wary of crossing this final boundary.

"Jess...?"

"Yes!" she practically panted against his mouth.

He needed no further encouragement and deftly slid two fingers into her welcome opening causing Jess to stifle a yelp by biting on his bottom lip. She began to rock her hips slowly in time with his rhythm, arching her back and tilting her head backwards, eyes fluttering closed momentarily in pleasure. When she re-opened them, he was looking up at her, awestruck. His eyes were glazed through a mixture of lust and alcohol. She gave him a shy smile and he returned it whilst never breaking his movements.

Jess could feel it bubbling up from the pit of her stomach, the heat radiating through her, pins and needles prickling down her limbs. She was trying to be quiet, she really was, but _damn_ did Nick Miller know what he was doing in this department. It was a revelation to her and she wondered if perhaps he'd taken a course in female anatomy to become as good at this as he was. Either that, or he was some kind of wizard. There was no other explanation for it. Her thoughts were interrupted by the waves starting to sweep over her and she felt him press deeper inside her, sensing her impending conclusion. Just at that moment, they were ripped from their heady, intoxicating little bubble by a voice just outside.

"Nick? You still in there?!" called Schmidt incredulously.

Nick's hand immediately stilled inside her, the pair of them frozen like statues. The crescendo of her building climax dissipating instantly. Jess looked to her right and couldn't help but think she was incredibly grateful that the photo booth curtain was just low enough to cover down to the point below Nick's knees.

"Yeah..." Came Nick's gravelly response "what do you want, Schmidt?"

"Have you seen Jess?"

Her eyes widened and she mouthed "No!" at him in a very exaggerated fashion.

"Er...no..." He was finding the simple task of speech all too difficult, given the situation. He couldn't stop thinking about his hand. And where it was.

"Ugh. That pesky ruiner has scuppered any chance I had tonight of sexual congress with that heavenly blonde! She owes me. I mean, what was she playing at, waving a cake knife around in the ladies bathroom?!"

Jess made an offended face and Nick did his best not to laugh. This was 100% the weirdest situation he had ever been in. They remained silent as Schmidt launched into a big rant about how he would now have no choice but to go home with Gretchen, and his subsequent detailed descriptions of every sexual encounter he had shared with her in chronological order. What happened next caught Nick completely off guard.

During Schmidt's tale of the Houseman wedding, Nick suddenly noticed Jess had started to slowly rock her hips against his fingers. He sat, stunned, as she continued to roll her pelvis backwards and forwards in a painfully slow rhythm. Her eyes were closed, mouth slightly open. Nick decided she was quite simply the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. The way her body was moving on him was hypnotising. He had never felt so close to blowing his own steam whilst fully clothed before. She moved herself faster, until the familiar sensations returned and she could feel the pulsing in her core ramp up. Her forehead was resting on his cheek, eyes still clamped shut as she tried to drown out Schmidt telling his distracting story just feet away while she took herself to the brink of release.

"Niiiick!" she moaned in a voice that sounded nothing like her own. It was deep and husky and full of sex.

"What in the...? Nicholas?!" Schmidt hissed "Are you in there with a lady?" He moved to open the curtain but Nick grabbed it and held on for dear life. There was no way he was getting in.

"Get outta here Schmidt. I'm kinda...busy..."

"Say no more, friend of mine. I shall be on my way! Mazel!"

As soon as Nick sensed they were alone again, he grabbed Jess's waist to try and still her. She fought it, she was so close to where she was headed. Tangling his free hand in her hair, he whispered in her ear "Please, Jess..." she relaxed and let him hold her, let him take control once more, moving his fingers expertly inside her. Using the pressure from his thumb to increase her pleasure. He could feel her starting to tense and covered her mouth with his to swallow the cry that tried to escape as she came undone.

Nick removed himself from her only once he knew she was spent, her head still leaning on his shoulder as her breathing slowly calmed. She pulled back from him, her cheeks flushed and she covered her face with her hands. Chuckling, he manoeuvred them so she was sitting with both legs across his lap.

"Oh my god, Nick...I...that wasn't _quite_ my intention..."

"It escalated quickly, that's for sure!" He smiled and stroked her back.

"Please don't tell the guys...or anyone...about this?"

"Our little secret" he nodded "but we should probably leave the booth soon, or else they're going to evict us!"

Feeling a little wobbly on her legs, Jess stood and took Nick's hand. "Let's go, Mr Boy T. Friend!"

They stepped out arm in arm, checking the coast was clear of Winston or Schmidt, and heading back towards the bar. As they crossed the room, Nick looked up to see Caroline in the corner, looking highly pissed off. Turning his head, he realised she would have had a perfectly clear view of the booth from where she was and he laughed, dipping his head down "Oh my god, you knew she was still standing there the whole time didn't you?" Nick whispered against Jess's ear "That wasn't a coincidence, was it?" He stepped back and regarded her with jaw slightly open, eyes narrowed at her cunning.

Jess smirked and flicked her hair "I take my responsibility as your fake girlfriend very seriously, Mr Suspenders. Now...let's go dance!"

 ****A/N**

 **I HOPE YOU LIKED! Please review to help inspire me. I'm thinking of making this into a three parter, so please follow for updates if you want to!**


	2. Chapter 2

****A/N - OK, SO HERE IT IS, THE NEXT INSTALLMENT WHERE JESS NEEDS NICK TO REPAY THE FAVOUR! I hope you all enjoy it!****

THE GREAT PRETENDERS. PART TWO:

...

 _'Just ask him. Just open the door, go in there and ask him. He owes you one, remember?'_

Jess was pacing up and down the hall in front of Nick's bedroom, trying to build up the courage to ask if she could borrow something she really, really needed.

Him.

She needed to borrow him as her stand-in boyfriend, but she wasn't sure why the prospect of having to actually ask him to do it was making her feel like it was coming up to prom. Like he was her high school dream date and she was terrified of the crushing rejection that could follow. I mean, this was Nick.

Nick.

The guy who ate cereal out of a mug instead of washing up the dirty bowls piling up by the sink. The guy who wore sweatpants with ketchup stains on for five days straight before Schmidt had practically wrestled them off of him ( _"I can't stand it any longer, Nicholas. You smell like the inside of a garbage can!"_ ).

Truth was, it didn't feel right to ask Winston or Schmidt, and she only had ten days to find someone - so her only other option was Mr Miller. She wouldn't have thought twice about asking him without hesitation if it hadn't been for Steve and Bree's wedding and their little... _encounter_...in the photo booth.

The sound of music blasting from the other side of the door snapped her back to attention and she hovered her hand on the doorknob. She took a deep breath and held it, the air puffing out her cheeks like a hamster. Exhaling with force, she flung his door open without knocking, in a manner she was hoping would be considered 'breezy' and 'impromptu'. What she hadn't been prepared for was the sight of a naked Nick. A naked Nick who was so surprised to hear his door fly open that he automatically span around to face her, giving her the matinee showing of his Full Monty. Their eyes widened simultaneously. His because she had just scared the living day lights out of him while he was nude _god damn it_ and hers because everything was on full display and she really couldn't help her gaze going straight to his Crown Jewels as she shrieked in shock.

"Oh, my!"

"JESS!"

"I didn't see anything!" She screwed her eyes shut and covered them with her hand.

"What the hell?!" He screamed, in a tone more high pitched than he realised he was capable of.

"Ok, fine...I saw it! A little bit...well, all of it - but only briefly, then I looked away again, I swear!"

She parted her fingers slightly to peek through them just as Nick grabbed his boxers and jeans and yanked them up, buttoning the waist as fast as he could and scowling at her. This is the stuff nightmares are made of - can't a man dance naked in his room to Jamaican music anymore without having the fear of people barging in to deal with?

They stared at each other wordlessly for quite some time before Jess spoke up.

"In a way, this kinda works out to be a good thing..." she offered in a small voice, before being met by his narrowed gaze. His hands settled on his hips, waiting for her to explain.

"...well, now we're even. I've seen your...intimate...area" She gestured needlessly towards his crotch "and, and, um you've seen mine" she gestured to herself. Again, really not necessary. "...so...yeah...even?" Jess trailed off and cleared her throat. Nick's face was set in a surly pout as he stood silently, seeming to consider his response at great length before he stepped towards her. She instinctively walked back at his approach until she bumped the door closed. He didn't stop advancing until there were mere inches of space separating their bodies. Without saying a word he leant forward, an arm under hers to rest on the doorknob behind her elbow, his jaw close to hers as he spoke his words so quietly she had to incline her face towards him to hear them.

"Oh, I didn't _see_ anything, Jess. But I'm certainly a whole lot more familiar with your intimate area than I was ever expecting to be a week ago..." With that, he flicked his wrist and quickly turned the handle, bringing the door open. He finally took a step back to reinstate some distance between them and the colour in her cheeks was all too noticeable. He wanted to smirk, because he knew by her reaction that she, much the same as him, couldn't help but think back to that night. To the memory of how she had come undone in the hottest, sexiest way that neither of them had seen coming when she first agreed to be his fake girlfriend for that wedding a mere seven days previously. Outwardly, it had been completely ignored by them both - just like she had asked. But, inwardly? Inwardly, the evening had been replayed numerous times by both parties. One time, Jess had found herself thinking about it whilst making pancakes and had been so distracted that the batter had burnt and stuck to the pan.

Nick looked at her, trying to be stern, but seeing the way she was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth he finally broke the silence that had settled between them.

"Now, would you please get out of my room so I can put the rest of my clothes on..."

She ducked her head and slipped out backwards without uttering another word, obliging his request with a salute before glancing towards him at the last second and catching the upwards curl that played at the edges of his lips.

...

When Nick walked into the living area later that evening, he saw Jess lying on the couch eating cupcakes and watching trash programmes on the television. He'd been trying to avoid her but she had a way of always just _being there_ whether you liked it or not. He walked quickly to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge, then frowned when he noticed it was the only one left.

"Winnie! What have I told you about drinking my beer?!" He yelled and headed back towards the hall.

"Not guilty, man!" Winston shouted back, before adding " and quit yelling at me! I'm job hunting and you're messing with my vibe, dude!"

"Well if you didn't take it, who did? Sure as hell wasn't Schmidt, I know that much..."

Nick stopped at the end of the couch and turned pointedly to face Jess who was making a deliberate attempt to avoid his gaze as she pulled a blanket up to her chin. He cleared his throat at her and she stared at the ceiling.

"What's under the blanket, Jessica?" He narrowed his eyes and saw her scrunch up her face before producing two bottles from beneath it.

"Are you serious?! Do you even _like_ beer?"

"Not really..."

Noticing a melancholy tone to her voice and the huge sigh she gave, he sat down opposite her and waved a hand "Out with it."

"Out with what?"

"With whatever is bothering you, and don't say nothing because if you're drinking my beer it's got to be _something_. Plus you're sighing."

"I didn't sigh...I...I exhaled."

"You exhaled with meaning - that's a sigh."

Nick waited for her to speak but she just twiddled with the hem of her blanket and stared at the floor, pouting. He stood back up with a shrug and started to walk away "OK, fine. I'll leave you to it."

"Wait!" Jess called and sat herself up, cupcake crumbs falling into her lap "There is something. Something I need."

Nick turned back and rested against the side of the couch folding his arms "Go on..."

"I need..." She took a deep breath "...you."

His brows flew heavenward and his chin lifted up "Beg your pardon?"

"I mean, I need to borrow you..." Jess frowned at her own choice of words and clarified "...as my boyfriend. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend. In ten days time. Please. Will you?"

Nick took a long swig of beer before looking towards her "You're gonna need to give me a little context here, Jess..."

Exasperated, she flung her blanket to one side sending crumbs everywhere ( _Schmidt will go mad_ thought Nick) and twisted to face him. "There is a massive function for the faculty and school staff in ten days time and I need a fake boyfriend to go with me."

"Why are you so bothered about your colleagues thinking you have a boyfriend? I didn't think you cared about that stuff"

"I don't!" She said defensively "It's not them, it's..." Jess paused and pursed her lips before finishing in a tiny voice "ugh, it's..Spencer."

"Spencer?! Since when did he become a teacher?"

"He's not. He's the new freakin' groundsman!"

"What?!" Nick voice was high pitched.

"Exactly!" Jess pouted "So you see? I need to go with someone, Nick. I can't go by myself if him and Rochelle the Mermaid are going to be there, I just can't..." She flopped back down on to a cushion dramatically and it was Nick's turn to sigh.

He didn't want to do this. He really didn't. It was a bad idea the first time and doing this a second was just asking for trouble.

"I don't know..." He grimaced "...I'm not good at this whole "make believe" thing, Jess."

"Don't use air quotes - that's so insulting - it's not make believe. I'm not a child! Just think of it like acting_"

"I'm terrible at acting!" he interrupted.

"Oh hush. C'mon, Nick, please? We'll be playing roles, just like we did for you at the...wedding..." she trailed off and immediately regretted bringing last week up when she saw his eyes shoot down to hers.

"I just don't think I'm your guy. Why don't you ask Schmidt?"

"Eww! No!" she scrunched up her face and sulked "Please? I mean - you DO owe me after last week. I scratch your back, you scratch mine, right? It's just repaying the favour, so to speak."

"Hang on, you said earlier we were even because of you seeing my...my... _you know_ "

"Well I take it back! We are not even! Not unless you do this for me..." She batted her eyelashes at him and clasped her hands together.

"Fine" he muttered "but after this we are definitely even!"

"You got it!" Jess squealed.

...

They had only arrived at the venue twenty minutes ago and already Spencer had made a point of making his presence known by waving and calling across from a nearby table (' _Jess-Jess! So great to see you, you know Rochelle, obviously...this must be...oh, it's you...I remember you...'_ )

"I might just go and talk to him, to say hi. That's only polite, right?"

"Jess, no." Nick gently held her elbow as she went to turn around "What did you say to me about Caroline?"

"Take back control..." She muttered.

"Exactly - this is the same thing. Don't let that jerk have power over you anymore."

"I know. I'm trying, I am. But sometimes I stupidly still feel drawn to him, you know? Even though he let our love fern die...man, how did even _get_ this job?"

She looked up and could see Nick's mind ticking over before fixing her with a serious face.

"Ok...so, how about we do this: every time you feel the urge to talk to him, to get a drink with him, to dance with him, to even look at him when his flicks his ridiculous wavy hair...you come to me instead. I'm your substitute."

"I..." Jess paused, she couldn't think of a reason to disagree with him, if she was honest.

"No excuses! We're doing this, OK. Don't go to him, Jess. You stick with me, right? As your boyfriend I am making this decision for you - I'm putting my foot down, young lady - got it?"

"Fake boyfriend" Jess corrected.

"What?"

"You're my _fake_ boyfriend..."

"That's what I said"

"Nooo...you said boyfriend"

He waved a hand dismissively.

"You knew what I meant..."

She curled her lips inwardly over her teeth and pressed them together, before sighing and giving a little nod "Ok, fine..." she said, hooking an arm around his "...but don't call me 'young lady' again, Nick - it's creepy."

He rolled his eyes and dutifully allowed her to lead them to their seats.

...

The meal had gone well. Jess had successfully avoided interacting with Spencer thanks to the help of Nick. He'd tipped the waiter to ensure a steady flow of alcohol to their table (necessary for both of them with different reasons. She was anxious and needed her nerves calming. He was just incredibly uncomfortable around so many teachers). Nick had told made up stories to the other staff at their table: their first date ( _an aquarium/dinner/moonlit walk by the ocean/nothing else because she-is-not-that-kinda-lady-thank-you-very-much_ ), their first argument ( _misunderstanding over a text message with poorly structured grammar leading to much confusion_ ) and of course, their first trip away ( _long weekend in France/visiting the art galleries/drinking wine/eating cheese/and an awful lot else because it-was-Paris-and-everything-seemed-so-much-sexier-in-Paris_ ). He laughed heartily when Jess made jokes and was sure to tuck her hair behind her ear every so often, rest his hand on her shoulder and call her 'honey' just because _that's what boyfriends do_ , right?

When the tables were being cleared, they headed to the bar to take advantage of the free booze ( _'free drink, Jess? Why didn't you lead with that?!'_ ) and were stood waiting to be served when Jess noticed Nick was distracted and hadn't answered her when she asked what he wanted to drink. Turning to face him, she noticed his gaze was focused over her shoulder and Jess saw something flicker across his features. Possessiveness? Determination? She wasn't sure. Nick took a step closer, his hips brushing hers just slightly as he reached forward. Burying his hand in her hair, he pulled her into him suddenly, making Jess lose her breath in surprise.

"Nick...what are you...?"

Dipping low against her head, his lips rested next to her ear. She swallowed hard at the feel of his breathing tickling her skin "Spencer is watching. I thought maybe I should give him something to look at..." he spoke quietly before pressing his mouth to her neck and kissing down to her shoulder "...is that alright?"

"Mmmm..." She murmured, not able to form any actual words because all she could think about was the amazing way his bottom lip was stroking up from her collarbone, and how his teeth nibbling the spot below her jaw was just _heavenly_.

Nick's right hand gripped her waist tightly and his left remained in her hair, fingers splayed behind her head as he bought his face back up to hers. Jess thought she saw him smile momentarily before catching her lips and she melted in to his embrace, not giving the smallest of cares that they were stood in full view of the entire room because, well, he sure did know how to kiss a woman. He knew how to kiss a woman _good_.

Even if he was just pretending.

Seconds later he pulled away so quickly she almost fell forward. Her arms shot out to steady herself and she landed them both on his chest.

"Woah! You ok there?" Nick laughed as he held on to her wrists.

Jess nodded quickly.

"Spencer has disappeared now..." He gestured in the direction behind her "so...my work here is done!" He shrugged.

"Oh. Good..." She mumbled "...that was good... **IS** good. I mean, you know, that's great. Well done." Jess gave a high pitched laugh which made her sound only slightly crazy and she turned from him swiftly to face the bar and order herself a large glass of wine.

...

Exactly one hour, two large glasses of wine and a mimosa later, Spencer was up on the stage giving his talk on lawn care for the school grounds. Nick and Jess were standing behind one another at the side of the room watching half-heartedly. Nick was quite certain it was the THE single most boring event of his life. Letting his eyes wander around the hall, trying to find something - anything- slightly more interesting to look at, he was left sadly disappointed. It was all cardigans and tweed pants. Ugh. Leaning against the wall, his gaze settled on Jess stood just a few feet from him. Her frighteningly sequinned top making her stand out from all the other hum-drum bores of the faculty as the dim lights bounced around and made it look like she was sparkling. He cocked his head and frowned when he noticed her keep shifting her weight from one foot to the next. She seemed uncomfortable and when he glanced back up to the stage he realised why. Spencer was directing his entire speech on seedlings and soil rotators right at her. Flicking his long, blonde hair over his shoulder at every opportunity. For some reason this seemed to be having an effect on Jess, and Nick knew he needed to step up and nip it in the bud (pun fully intended). He walked forward until his feet were behind her and wound an arm around her waist, deliberately staring at Spencer in what he hoped was his best 'angry boyfriend' face.

"You ok?" He asked in her ear.

"Um. Yeah. I think so...it's a bit like when you drive past a car crash...I can't look away yet I dislike myself immensely for it."

"Stupid damn hippie and his mermaid hair_"

"Rochelle is the mermaid..."

"Well, so what is he?" Nick asked, confused.

"Right now, judging by the look on his face - I'd say he was jealous" Jess laughed and he felt her relax against him as he pulled her back slightly to lean on his chest. Nick snaked his other arm across her hip and let it settle on her abdomen.

"I think you're right. Feels good, doesn't it?" He chuckled and held her slightly tighter than he needed to, but she wasn't complaining.

"It does." Jess smiled to herself and stroked a hand across his bare forearm without thinking. It was toned and firm and warm under her skin. She sighed and leant her head back against his shoulder. Nick rested his lips on the top of her head without taking his glare from the stage and could smell the coconut shampoo she used earlier. He'd become very fond of that fragrance. It lingered in the bathroom after she had showered and he liked the way the scent filled his nostrils as he stood at the sink to brush his teeth. It made him think of summer vacations on the beach. His mind veered off on a tangent and he found himself thinking about how Jess seemed to fit perfectly in his embrace. She was just the right height and their bodies seemed to mould together freakishly well...

Wait...

Hang on...

Was that Jess's hand snaking its way up his thigh?

His eyes widened.

Yes.

Yes, it definitely was.

He swallowed hard and held his breath as her fingers traced over the material of his trousers, inching closer to his crotch.

"Jess...what are you doing...?"

She turned herself around in his arms and looked up at him "Thanking you?" She half asked-half told him and slowly ran her hand over the bulge that was forming at her touch.

"We...can't...do that here!" he stuttered, trying to gently push her away from him.

"You're right" Jess agreed with a nod, removing her hand instantly and scanning the room over his shoulder before glancing back in Spencer's direction "...come on!" She grabbed his hand and practically dragged him to the back of the hall, sneaking behind a high topped serving area that was partly shielded from view by some display boards covered in pictures drawn by the students of their teachers. Nick spotted Jess a mile away, two massive blue orbs with a scribbled shock of dark hair on a stick body smothered with glitter. She positioned herself in the middle of the counter with her back to the stage and tugged him closer.

" _Here?!_ " He hissed, incredulous.

"Yes, _here_. Why not here?"

"Hmm, I don't know, Jess - maybe because of the room full of people standing just feet away!"

"No one can see - for all they know, we're just some sweet young couple making out behind the serving table" she laughed before reaching to the buckle of his trousers without taking her eyes from his face.

"Jessica..."

"Nicholas..." She countered and raised her brow.

"I don't know if this is such a good id_" he was cut off by the feel of her mouth against his. He went to step back but she still had hold of him by his belt and tightened her grip. Nick laughed against her kiss and relented, leaning forward to rest both arms on top of the high table so she was encircled by him at chest height.

"Wow, you fold so fast..." she teased.

"You're very persuasive!"

There was a moment of stillness as their bodies bumped together, his face stopping just in front of hers as Jess tilted her chin upwards to meet his lips again. It was slow and sensual, and that's how they remained for a several minutes, until Jess deepened the kiss suddenly - taking him by surprise as her tongue swept across his and her arms wrapped themselves around his waist. He responded by cupping her face with one hand and allowing his tongue to join hers as he heard a little moan escape from her throat. Neither of them dared to break away until they had no choice but to come up for air. Breathing fast against her cheek, Nick wondered fleetingly if there was more to that kiss than Jess 'repaying the favour'. It certainly felt like it, but he knew better. She was clear on that from the start.

Drawing his head back, he looked at her and gave a little smile. She bit her lip and reached down between them again to place her hand on his - now very evident - erection.

"Jess, wait, you don't have to..."

"I want to."

"I didn't agree to come here tonight because of _that_ "

"You scratch my back, I scratch yours - remember?" she whispered.

"I know, but..."

"No buts!" Jess cut him off, kissing him hard and giving a seductive nibble on his bottom lip, eliciting a noise from him that sounded like a growl.

Ok, so they were doing this. Again.

What on earth was this little dance they were carrying on?!

He barely had time to think about it before her tongue was once again searching for his, fingers stroking him firmly over his trousers and feeling him straining against her palm.

He reached a hand down to her skirt, creeping underneath it to feel the soft skin of her... _oh crap_ , he had forgotten she was wearing tights. He wanted to rip the damn things off, but settled for cupping her backside through the thin cotton fabric instead. It actually felt a whole lot sexier than he thought it would - there was something thrilling about being so tantalisingly close to touching her skin that drove a surge of heat through his veins. He pushed his hips forward, trying to press against her but it was awkward as her hand was still on his bulge so all he succeeded in doing was squashing her arm.

"Nuh-uh-uh!" Jess broke their kiss and pushed Nick back slightly by the chest making him frown, confused.

"Wha...?"

"I need some room!" she purred and moved to unbuckle his belt. His jaw dropped open and his breath left him as she lowered the zipper of his pants making his dick strain at the material of his white boxers. His mouth was on hers in a flash, hungry and turned-on. Nick bit her bottom lip hard as she rubbed the length of him, all the way down until she quickly cupped his balls in her hand and squeezed them.

"Ow! Nick!"

"Oops! You caught me by surprise."

"Sorry..." she apologised, about to pull her arm back until he held her wrist to stop her.

"Don't be. I liked it..." Nick gave a small grin then inhaled sharply as Jess immediately moved back to repeat the motion several times. He closed his eyes and dipped his head to her ear, she could feel his breath heavy against her skin and it sent a tingle down her spine.

"Does Little Nick want to come and play?" She teased as she tucked a hand under the waistband of his boxers and raised her brow when she felt the silky soft skin of his erection "Maybe not so little!" Jess sounded impressed as she freed him from his underwear after checking they were still hidden by the screens.

Nick felt himself jolt at the sensation of her grip on him. He was so hard it was distracting and he was having to use all his self control not to come right in her hands as she stroked him slowly, adjusting the pressure of her grip as she reached the tip, sweeping over the head of his penis and making him moan into her as he caught her mouth with his. Moments later, she bought her free hand to her mouth and ran her tongue along it, placing it back down to slide around him.

"Holy shit!" He gasped, louder than intended, making her silence him with her kiss.

She moved her hands rhythmically but in opposite directions. It nearly made him lose his mind as she increased the speed and he had to grip the counter behind her again with both arms to steady himself "Oh Jesus. Shit... _Jess_..."

She slowed her strokes right down, moving painfully slowly from base to tip but keeping her grip firm. His breathing was fast and he was trying to kiss her but kept breaking away to murmur against her mouth "God, that feels good..."

She kissed him hard and built up the speed again, up and down and over and around until his knees nearly buckled under him as he whispered "Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck, Jess_...oh my god...Stop, I'm going to..."

Jess grabbed a handful of napkins off the counter top to the left of her just as Nick spilled his load and groaned into her hair to muffle the sound. She's fairly certain she may have heard him whimper at some point too.

He dipped his head to kiss her again. His mouth was warm and his tongue played softly with hers as the waves of euphoria were still pulsing through him. He traced her jawline with his fingertips and drew back to look down at her. His eyes were dark and hooded and he tried to speak but was dumbstruck by the smile on her face so he shook his head in disbelief instead. Nick kissed his way down her neck, making her giggle and give him a shove.

Once he had caught his breath and made himself look presentable again he moved to lean back against the counter so he was standing next to her. They gave each other sidelong glances and burst out laughing.

"Would you like another drink, honey?"

"Oh, darling, I thought you'd never ask!" She laughed and laced her fingers through his as they walked back in to the throng of unknowing people nearby.

...

Nick had been talking sport with the school football coach for the past forty-five minutes while Jess mingled with her colleagues, all in various stages of inebriation. He'd glance over every now and then and make a 'drink?' gesture to her which was usually met with vigorous nodding and her mouthing the words 'Wine! Bring wine!'. He'd just grabbed a final glass of drink for her from the bar as it closed and headed over to where she was now standing alone, having said long, drawn-out goodbyes to the librarian and school nurse.

Nick stood before her and tilted his head "How you doing there, kid?"

Jess pouted and gave two thumbs up, nodding her head and then frowned when she looked at what he was carrying. "Niiick! Where is my pink wine?!"

He smiled softly and rubbed the top of her arm "Look, I like drunk Jess as much as the next person, but I really think you should drink some water..."

"I'm not drunk, YOU'RE drunk!" She prodded him with an accusatory finger.

"Great comeback Ms Day..." He laughed.

She snorted and leant her head forward on to his chest. Nick allowed her to rest it there for a moment. He was warm and solid and she closed her eyes against the feel of him. Jess let herself breathe in his smell...he must have borrowed that cologne from Schmidt. She was sure of it. It was all sandalwood-y and made her want to sigh in delight. He smelled so good. Not that he didn't usually...she quite liked his natural scent. It was manly and full of pheromones. But tonight he smelled different. Like he'd made an effort.

When she went to bring herself upright, the room began to spin slightly. Perhaps she'd take that water after all.

Jess looked up at him with wobbly legs and smoothed out his shirt with one hand, accepting the glass with the other and taking a big gulp. _'Look at him'_ she thought _'being all sweet and taking care of me!'_ Her insides started to feel warm and fuzzy, and she was pretty sure it wasn't all down to the alcohol.

"Thank you for coming with me tonight, Nicholas. I couldn't have ignored Spencer without you." She grinned up at him, downed the rest of the water and handed back the glass.

"Well, you said it Jess - I owed you one. Although I'd say we're now _more_ than even" Nick chuckled and held her gaze. She was looking at him all doe-eyed and goofy smiles. He thought he might just drown in the pool of blue twinkling in front of him if he stared at her for long enough. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to hold her. He wanted to kiss her again. To take her mouth with his and not come up for air until his lungs were bursting. He wanted to feel her skin. To brush his hand across her bare thighs and hear her breathing in his ear. She made the slightest of leans towards him with her lips parted, the smell of booze wafting up between them. Nick found himself clearing his throat forcefully and taking a big step backwards "Well, I think it's time we make a move and took you home, Jessica!"

Giving him a drunken, lop-sided grin she leaned up against his body for stability and he took her arm in his to steer her safely out of the door "You know, you make a pretty good boyfriend when you apply yourself, Nick!" Jess waggled a finger in his general direction.

"Fake boyfriend" he corrected softly.

"What?"

"I'm your _fake_ boyfriend"

"That's what I said"

"Nooo...you said boyfriend"

She waved a hand dismissively "You knew what I meant..."

 ***THANKS FOR READING! I really appreciate feedback so feel free to review. I plan on adding a third part to this fic in the not too distant future also!***


	3. Chapter 3

THE GREAT PRETENDERS. PART THREE:

 _"Fine" he muttered "but after this we are definitely even!"_

 _"You got it!" Jess squealed._

They'd said it themselves: After the staff function, they were even. No more favours owed. Debts repaid. Slate wiped clean, right?

Wrong.

 _Oh, so wrong!_

In the months that passed since the night Nick assumed the role of Jess's fake boyfriend, they had played 'pretend' on precisely three more occasions. It hadn't been intentional, really. But fate seemed to have a way of pushing them together in to these situations, and they rolled with the punches.

The first time it happened was three weeks after Jess's work party.

When the invite to the wedding of Nick's cousin arrived, he hadn't even mentioned it to Jess. The plan was for Schmidt and Winston to accompany him. Wingman duties had already been allocated and Nick had been allowed dibs on choice of bridesmaid seeing as this WAS his cousins wedding. Unfortunately, the stomach flu is rather indiscriminate when it comes to claiming victims and decided to take down both of his dates within 24hrs of the big occasion. He thought about not going to the wedding at all, pretending he was ill too and staying at the loft - but the reality of being stuck inside with two germ-ridden roommates hit home that evening.

"Niiiick! I think I'm dyiiiiing - you gotta help me, bro! My insides are coming out both ends, Winnie the Bish can't go out this way, man!"

"Nicholas?! Is that you outside? Please, bring a plunger and my strongest pair of marigolds...you're gonna need to get your hands dirty. I'd do it myself but I'm too weak from all the pooping. This is bad, _really_ bad..."

Nick was faced with two options. He could go alone, and face a myriad of questions from distant relatives about his life, career, love interests et cetera...or...he could ask Jess.

 _'Risky business'_ he thought.

But then again...

Knocking on her door gently, he furrowed his brow when Jess opened it with what looked like a surgical mask over her face.

"Can't be too careful!" came the muffled declaration when she saw Nick's questioning look "Are your hands clean, Miller?"

"Uh...yeah, I guess."

"Have you been within ten feet of either of those bozos in the past twelve hours?"

"God, no! Are you nuts? If they're not puking, they're pooping, and I want no part in that!"

Jess narrowed her eyes at him "Then you may enter..." She stepped back to open her door and closed it again behind them swiftly, removing her mask.

He perched on the edge of her bed and gave it a little bounce.

"So what's up, buttercup?" Jess called from her closet as she continued to put away the pile of clean laundry from her dresser.

"I have a proposition for you." said Nick, as casually as he could manage.

"Ooh, intriguing!"

"As you are well aware, our two roommates are currently incapacitated. Which poses me a slight issue, as they were my company for the wedding tomorrow..."

"Oh..."

"...and I got to thinking that maybe _you_ could come with me instead? You know, just so we can both get away from those germ buckets and avoid infection?"

"Hmm..."

"Hmm...?"

"Well, I guess another wedding with you is the lesser of two evils here." Jess mused as she emerged from the closet and slid the door closed before leaning back against it.

"Gee, thanks!"

"Ok, I'm in. But only because I don't want to be dealing with Sick and Sicker by myself, of course"

"Of course..." Nick nodded, suppressing a smile "...be ready by 11am sharp"

And she was...

"Ooh, this place is fancy!" cooed Jess as they walked the steps arm in arm to the large Manor House and were shown inside by a very well dressed doorman.

"Exactly. You didn't think they'd let me in by myself did you?! I need a beautiful lady on my arm just to get through the door!" He laughed and she reciprocated, giving him a playful shove, but he was sure he noticed a pink flush to her cheeks before she looked away from him quickly and pretended to be distracted by the magician in the foyer.

The day passed quickly - time flies when you're having fun. And they _were_ having fun. Nick couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much. He was really enjoying her company, and the way she fell so easily into the role of his fake girlfriend like she wasn't even trying. Little strokes of his cheek here and an arm squeezing around his middle there. Teasing him in front of his family during the wedding dinner and placing a little kiss on his cheek afterwards to apologise, whilst resting her hand on his knee below the table even though no one else could see, making his heart stutter no matter how hard he tried to ignore the sensation. It would be so easy to forget that none of this was real.

So easy.

All the free wine on the tables had disappeared by the end of dessert, so Jess stood to go and find more but wobbled slightly and had to grab on to his shoulders when she realised she was actually rather merry. Chuckling to himself, Nick stood and slid an arm around her waist for support "Come on, lady of mine, I think you could use some assistance!" She giggled and felt like a naughty schoolgirl, tottering out of the room towards the bar next door feeling decidedly tipsy before it had even become dark outside.

"Sorry, Miller. I wasn't expecting the wine to go to my head so quickly!"

"I'm can't exactly talk given my own sorry state..." he hiccupped and grimaced "...you'd think as a bartender I would know not to mix beer and wine!"

They ordered another round of drinks and perched precariously on two high stools at the bar. Nick sat back and watched as Jess smoothed out the fabric of the jade green dress she was wearing. It ended just above the knee and made her eyes sparkle like he'd never seen before. She looked up at the exact moment he ran his tongue across his bottom lip and her stomach fluttered.

 _'It's just the wine'_ she told herself.

"Hey, Jess..." He spoke slowly, meeting her gaze "...I don't know if it's just the booze talking, but...I'm really glad you're here, you know?"

"Here... _at the wedding?_ "

There was a slight pause before he answered. Not so long as to look like he was obviously considering his answer, but definitely long enough for Jess to notice.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat "Yeah...You're not bad company I suppose."

"Ha! Admit it, Nick - I'm the best damn wedding date there is!"

"OK, you may have a point - don't tell Schmidt or Winston, but I really can't see either of those guys pulling off a dress like that" He smirked at her.

"Could _you_?" She asked immediately.

"Hmm?" His brows knitted together in confusion, his mind a little fuzzy due to the alcohol.

"Could you?" Jess repeated "You know... _pull off_ a dress like this?"

Nick was pretty sure she was intending that to sound suggestive (she was), but didn't want to assume and make a fool of himself. He coughed and stuttered "Oh, well...I...maybe..." His gaze wandered around the bar, as did hers, both aware of the tension increasing between them. They'd been here twice before.

Their eyes landed on a hidden corner of the room at the same time, and neither could hide the smiles that crept across their faces.

A photobooth.

"Should we...?" Ventured Nick.

"It would be rude not to, surely?"

The little curtain was barely closed behind them before Nick had pressed Jess up against the cool metal inside of the booth, his hands travelling across her body like he didn't know where to touch first. They kissed fast and frantic, drinking in the taste of one another like they never wanted to stop. Her mind went blank as he pushed into her in all the right places and she found herself bringing a leg up around his hips, which he duly grabbed with a firm hand and slid it all the way up her thigh. Jess wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed their kisses to deepen, pulling him in tight to her body. She was wearing killer heels tonight, which meant the additional height put her waist perfectly in line with his. Every time he leaned in to her, the friction made Jess moan a little in to his mouth. They were both thinking the same thing...

 _This. Was. So. Hot._

Eager to repeat their encounter from before, Jess pushed Nick back slightly and nodded for him to sit down. He obliged and lowered himself back whilst holding her hips to bring her with him. She bent one knee up and over his lap and tried to do the same on the other side but something wasn't quite right.

"I can't...it doesn't...fit!" She said, confused.

"Here, try this." Nick lifted her by the butt and tried to shift himself across so she had more space but it served only to trap her left knee and make her yelp in pain.

"Ow! That hurts!"

"Sorry, I was just trying to..."

"How about if I...?"

"I could move this way...?"

"What if we...?"

"No! Not like that!"

They squirmed and squeezed but nothing was working. Jess sighed loudly and stood back up, decidedly disappointed.

The moment had passed.

"Maybe it's a smaller booth?" Nick pondered, touching the sides for good measure.

"They don't come in size small, medium and large, Nick! A photobooth is a photobooth!" She snapped.

"Something is different, I'm telling you..."

Jess perched on his lap sideways. With a little smile, she spoke quietly "I think the photobooth gods are telling us that this just isn't meant to happen again."

He nodded solemnly and his lips curled ever so slightly at the edges "I guess it's probably for the best..."

"I agree. From now on, let's keep this... _thing_...strictly hands off. What do you think?"

"Hands off. Sounds good." He lied.

"Yep. No more semi-public hanky-panky for us!" Jess laughed as Nick rolled his eyes at her and gestured for them to stand.

"You're the worst!" He groaned as he sidled past her and stepped back out in to the room, heading towards the bar chuckling to himself and muttering " _Hanky-panky?!_ " under his breath.

She followed in his wake and called after him "It's a legitimate phrase! Why are you laughing? Nick? Nick! Mine's a pink wine...!"

...

The next time it happened was a month later, and completely unintentional. For the most part.

Nick had not long returned from a shift at the bar to find the loft empty. Winston was working, Schmidt was on (yet another) date, and Jess had already left to go to Tanya's big birthday celebration. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, enjoying the peaceful stillness of the apartment. Sinking down on the couch, he let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes as he rested his head back on the cushion, drinking in the rare silence around him. This was just what he needed to wind down after a hectic day.

The strident ringing of his phone made him jump and Nick scowled at the coffee table where the device continued to bounce and vibrate against the wood. _'Let it go to voicemail'_ he thought to himself, smiling as quiet returned to the room when it rang off.

Until 30 seconds later when it started all over again. "Son of a..." He cursed to himself, sitting up and huffing. Reaching across and picking up his phone, he saw Jess's name on the screen.

"Jess, this better be important because_" Nick stopped talking the instant he heard crying on the other end of the line. Little, hiccupy sobs between shuddering breaths as she tried to calm herself down.

"Nick?" Her voice was shaky and small.

"Jess? What's happened?"

He heard her take some big gulps of air to try to calm herself down and could feel his heart beating fast in his chest as he waited for the answer.

"I...I...crashed my car" She whimpered "...I didn't know who else to call...please, can you help me?"

"You did _what_? Ok, where are you?" Nick scribbled down her answer and grabbed his keys "Listen to me, stay right where you are. Don't move, Jess - I'm coming to get you."

As he approached, Nick could see the tiny figure of Jess slumped on the pavement next to her car, hugging her knees tight to her chest and resting her forehead on them. He pulled up and walked over quickly, kneeling down in front of her and placing a hand gently on her shoulder "Hey..." He said, softly. She bought her head up to look at him, and managed a small, watery-eyed smile before she threw her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

"My god, Jessica, you're shaking like a leaf." Nick wrapped his arms around her sides and hugged her body tight against him before gently stroking her back, staying that way until he felt her breathing eventually begin to calm and return to normal "Are you ok? Are you hurt?" He couldn't hide the concern in his voice as he pulled back and scanned her face.

"No, no...I'm fine. I think. Just a little in shock, is all."

"What happened?"

"Ugh. Some jerk pulled out on me and I swerved to avoid him, but then I saw a cat in the road and swerved harder in the other direction to avoid it...then I mounted the pavement and..."

"...and hit a hydrant..." Nick finished, chuckling as he tucked her hair behind her ear and out of her eyes.

"Yeah...and hit a hydrant..." She giggled back, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hands and placing them on his forearms which were now resting on her knees "Thank you, Nick" Jess whispered.

"What for?"

"For getting to me so quickly. I won't even lie, I was pretty scared out here on my own in the dark."

"Well you didn't exactly pick the nicest part of town to crash your car in, that's for sure..." His point was reiterated by the noisy blare of police sirens in the background.

"No kidding. But I mean it, Miller. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't answered your phone...and I know you just finished work, and I'm really sorry."

"Hey, stop that. Don't even worry about it." He soothed, and got to his feet whilst holding on to her hands, pulling her with him "Now, let's get you up and check out the damage."

After crouching in front of the vehicle for ten minutes and squinting his eyes, prodding the bodywork and kicking the tyre, Nick concluded that Jess had definitely messed up her car and there was no way she'd be driving it home tonight.

"I can't leave it here! There'll be nothing left but the wing mirrors come morning!" She protested. Nick promised he would get Winston to come and move it somewhere safer after work and that they'd call a recovery vehicle first thing in the morning.

"But right now we should get going, you're already way late to your party thing."

"What? No, let's just go back to the loft...I really don't feel in the mood for celebrating now" She shook her head.

"It'll do you good, Jess. Take your mind off what happened. Besides, we can't have you looking all pretty in that dress for no reason, can we?" He raised his brows and she sighed. She _had_ been looking forward to Tanya's party for days. Maybe he had a point.

"I guess, but, argh...no. My face..."

"Your _face_...?"

"My _make-up_. I look like a panda!"

"Panda's are cute." He shrugged.

"Nick!"

"Well, didn't you say ages ago that you kept a 'fix-it' bag in your glove compartment? You know, in case you meet the man of your dreams while out shopping in your PJ's or what-not?' He waved an arm towards her car and pretended not to notice the delightful way her eyes lit up at his suggestion.

" _You_ , Nicholas..." she pointed her finger at him "...are a _genius_!"

"I do what I can."

Jess opened the door and pulled out her little emergency make-up bag to clean herself up and fix the smeared mascara from under her eyes. A few minutes later, she emerged and turned to Nick as he leaned up against the hood of his own car, hands buried deep in his pockets.

"How do I look?"

He nodded appreciatively and a slow smile spread across his face. _'Perfect'_ was the word that popped in to his mind first and nearly escaped. Instead, he cleared his throat, stood upright and gave her a thumbs up.

 _'A thumbs up?! You dumbass'_

"Your chariot awaits, m'lady." Nick opened the passenger door and took her hand "You shall go to the ball!" He said in a voice so terrible he couldn't keep a straight face himself.

"What are you doing, you clown!" Jess laughed as she settled into the seat.

Pulling up outside Tanya's, Nick left the engine running "Well, have fun. Call me when you want a ride home."

"Wait. You mean...you aren't coming in with me?"

"Do you _want_ me to come in with you?" Nick was surprised.

He thought they were done with all of this.

"It's just...well, they all think we're together. You know, after the staff function and everything. I didn't ask you before because I knew you were working. But, as you're already here...?"

He sighed and rubbed a hand across the steering wheel before turning off the engine and twisting to face her, his face serious.

"Should we be doing this again, Jess?"

"All above board, Miller - no funny business here, remember. We agreed on that. I could just use the company tonight after everything." She looked at him, and he felt a tug in his chest.

"OK. Let's do this" Nick sighed "...but hands off the merchandise, right?" He gave her a wink and she punched him on the arm.

"Jess! You made it! So glad to see you - please, come on through, come on through!" Tanya led them into the garden where they noticed a bit of a crowd gathering at the pop-up bar she had on the decking.

"What's that all about?" Jess asked.

"Hmm, yes, little mishap, little mishap! The barman we hired had an accident...with a corkscrew...terrible really, blood all in the ice bucket!" Tanya gave a shrill laugh then grimaced "We sent him off to the E.R but now we're left without anyone to staff the bar and the guests are getting rowdy. Niiiiiightmare! Anyway, I have to go and get some fresh ice - catch up later!"

As if sensing what had just popped into her mind, Nick shook his head and said out loud "Don't even think about it, Jess."

"Well, it makes sense!"

"I've _just_ finished a shift, it's the last thing I want to do. For _free_ , I might add!"

"Ok, ok...sorry. Forget I asked..." She held her hands up and they wandered over. One of the guests was attempting to make his friend a cocktail and she could tell Nick's face was screwing up in distain without even looking at him.

"Fine. I'll do it." He groaned, grabbing a bar towel and slinging it over his shoulder before turning back to her "You're lucky I like ya, Jess!"

It wasn't long before order had been restored and Nick had sorted drinks for all of the guests. Jess had sat to the side on a lawn chair watching him the entire time. He had a whole different type of confidence when he stepped behind a bar. Put a bottle of drink in his hand and he just oozed charm. She found herself chewing her lip as he rolled his shirt sleeves up and lifted a crate of wine on to a shelf behind him before wandering over to join her.

"You ok?" He asked.

She nodded as he sat opposite her "Yeah. And thank you - again! This was just what I needed. You were right..."

"Don't sound so surprised, it happens sometimes!"

Tanya appeared from behind them with three glasses of champagne and raised a toast, nodding for Jess to do the same "To your boyfriend, for coming to the rescue!"

"He certainly did..." She smiled, just as he caught her eye.

"What did you do to get a good man like that?!" Tanya laughed

Jess grinned at him and replied "Just lucky I guess..."

...

It was now the 23rd of December and Nick had asked Jess to accompany him to another wedding. She had resisted at first, quite strongly in fact ( _'Who gets married two days before Christmas?!'_ ). But then Nick explained that Schmidt had let him down and that this was the wedding of an old law school friend he hadn't seen for years and he promised - _promised_ \- this would be the last time he would ask. And it could just be as friends. She could pretend she was like Cinderella, he only needed her until the clock struck midnight.

That part made her laugh, so she relented.

And she was glad she did. The wedding was set in acres of fields, with a country barn theme. It looked beautiful, just the kind of thing Jess could imagine herself doing. A marquee, bunting and wild flowers in tiny little glass jars dotted around everywhere. There were hay bales for seating with baskets of blankets and rugs to sit on. A live band were playing with a makeshift dance floor and there was row upon row of fairy lights strung up everywhere so when the sun had set, the glow above them was delicate and dainty.

The day passed much as you would imagine. As the evening drew in, and the alcohol flowed, the guests started to mill around. Catching up with old college friends they hadn't seen in years.

"Nick!" A voice called out to him and he turned to see James approaching with another old buddy whose name escaped him "You've done pretty well for yourself there! Who's the hot piece of ass?" He nodded to Jess a few feet away talking to the bride.

"Hey - don't call her that. I mean it, James."

"Ooh, touchy! Ahh, I get it, you _like_ her."

Nick's jaw was clenched shut and he was trying his best not to lose his cool with this asshole. He never liked him anyway.

"Peterson, you owe me ten bucks!" James said "he was sure you wouldn't turn up with a girlfriend. Never could hold on to the good ones!"

"She's not my girlfriend" Nick confessed, feeling himself wilt on the inside. This is what he had been dreading.

"See! I told you Miller couldn't land a girl like that!"

"Yeah, I'm not his girlfriend, guys..." Jess said, stepping forward and pushing past them after listening to their exchange. The men smirked at one another until she sidled up close to Nick, staring the idiots in the face as she laced her fingers with his "...I'm his _fiancée_!"

Their jaws dropped.

Nick's eyes widened momentarily but he gathered himself before they could notice.

 _'Woah. Game changer...'_ Thought Nick.

"And if you don't mind, boys, I need to steal this gorgeous man of mine back for a while" Jess walked off alongside Nick and found them a table near the band.

"You didn't have to do that, Jessica" He finally said.

"I know. But I wasn't going to sit back and have them slam on you like that! Pair of bullies. I hate bullies. Besides, the look on their faces was hilarious!"

"Yeah...it was pretty great!"

"Told you I was the best damn wedding date there is!" She winked at him and his heart shuddered in his chest.

The band were in full swing and Jess was tapping her feet at the table, desperate to venture over to the dance floor.

"Jess, if you want to go and dance - just go and dance!" Nick laughed.

"I don't want to leave you on your own."

"I'm not a child, I don't need babysitting. I'm quite capable of sitting here by myself. Besides, I get the added entertainment of your terrible moves to amuse me."

"Hey, mister. You question my dancing, you make me question our entire relationship!" She said in mock outrage, standing and strutting over to join the other guests. He watched her hips sashay hypnotically from side to side as she walked away from the table and Nick felt himself smiling broadly as he sat back in his chair. Jess danced happily and without confine. Every now and then, she would turn to face him and bust out a few ridiculous dance moves just for his benefit. He grinned and raised his beer bottle in her direction. She looked so carefree, spinning around and throwing her head back as she laughed.

The band announced their set would come to an end after the next track, to a chorus of disappointed groans. The music started up again, a slow, romantic number. Jess stopped and felt a little lost as she watched the other guests pair up in their couples and a rueful smile pulled at her mouth. Time for her to leave the dance floor.

As she turned around, a little gasp escaped her mouth as she saw Nick standing there behind her, now minus his tie and with the top two shirt buttons undone, allowing his chest hair to peek out of the top. Jess was certain he couldn't look more handsome if he tried, his chocolate brown eyes shining as they met hers under the fairy lights strung above them.

Reaching for her hand with his, he placed the other on her waist "Did you really think I'd leave you without a dance partner for the last song of the night, Jessica?"

"But...you hate dancing, Nick."

"I know..." he whispered as he pulled her slightly closer, until his left arm was now sitting in the small of her back. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered so hard she had to bite her lip.

An elderly couple waltzed past that Jess recognised from her earlier dancing and she greeted them brightly.

"You have yourself a wonderful woman there, young man!" The lady said as she nodded to Nick.

Without taking his eyes from hers, he smiled and replied "The best..."

Jess looked away in the hope he wouldn't notice her blushing and laid her head against him. She could hear his heart beating, almost in time to the music. They let it wash over them as they swayed and bobbed to the melody and for those brief few moments, allowed themselves to pretend it was all real. That the heat of their bodies together wasn't just fiction. That the electricity that shot between them when their skin met wasn't all just make believe.

When the song ended, the other guests made their way off the dance floor as the band packed away and the lights were switched off. Nick and Jess remained stood in their embrace, neither one wanting to leave this moment behind. Eventually, she took a step away and broke his hold on her.

"I guess that's the night over, then" She said softly.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be _just_ yet..." He nodded to the hay bales on the other side and led her over to a rug on the floor "...I'm sure no one will notice if we stay here for a little while"

They sat side by side for a while, neither really saying much at all, but both pleased just to prolong this happy little bubble they had created between them.

He felt Jess shiver slightly in the crisp night air and grabbed another blanket from the hay bale behind them. Trying to drape it over their laps, he realised it wasn't nearly big enough to cover the both of them sufficiently. Frowning, Nick got to his knees "Hang on..." he said, shuffling himself backwards so he was sitting behind her. Placing his legs either side of her waist, he grabbed her hips and tugged Jess towards him until her back was resting against his chest and laid the blanket back down across their legs.

"There!" He declared triumphantly "Better?"

"Perfect." She smiled and leaned her weight in to him.

With all the lights switched off around them, the stars in the sky stood out more than ever. Twinkling gems high above on an inky black canvas. Jess was pointing out the constellations to Nick when, from nowhere, a shooting star shot across their view.

"Wow! So beautiful!" She said in awe.

"You know, that's the first shooting star I've ever seen..." He whispered softly in to her hair.

"Really?!"

"Really."

"You know, they say if you see a shooting star you're then forever linked for that brief moment in time with the person you saw it with"

"Who's they?"

"Just people..."

"I'll take your word on that" He laughed.

Just then, a man approached from the darkness "Sorry guys, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now, we need to finish packing up."

And that's how, at 11:46pm, Nick and Jess came to be stood in the hallway of the loft. With 14 minutes of 'playing pretend' left on the clock...

 ***A/N - THANKS FOR READING, I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS LESS SMUTTY CHAPTER! Part four is well under way where normal service will resume!**

 **FEEDBACK MAKES ME HAPPY!***


	4. Chapter 4

**THE GREAT PRETENDERS. PART FOUR:**

So here they were. Back at the loft. 11:46pm

Fourteen minutes left until the clock struck twelve.

Fourteen little minutes until real life would need its ball back and the two of them would have to somehow find a way to carry on as normal. Like nothing from the past couple of months had happened. It was over. Because that was the deal. Cinderella rules.

Jess stood opposite Nick in the hallway between their rooms, sliding her foot back and forth along the floor in front of her while wondering how long they were going to stand in silence. Neither of them were quite sure what to do now they were back at the apartment, away from the romance and buzz of the occasion fuelling their little act. Do they just say 'see ya!' and be done with it? Disappear in to their respective rooms and ignore the past few hours? Is a goodnight kiss too weird? Should they settle on a hug? A pat on the back? A handshake? So many awkward possibilities.

"So..." She said, desperate just to break the void of sound.

"So..." He replied with a small, closed mouth smile before looking down at his watch "You know, technically the night isn't over until 12. I mean, there's time for one last drink? If you want...?"

"A night cap sounds great!" Jess grinned "Liquor me up, Miller!"

Nick laughed and rolled his eyes, but extended a hand for her to take so he could escort his kind-of-sort-of-date-for-another-14-minutes to the kitchen for beverages regardless. His head suddenly snapped to the right as he heard Schmidt's door open. Grabbing Jess around the waist with one arm, he lifted her feet from the ground, and backed them both into his bedroom with such speed that a little squeal escaped her mouth.

"Nick, what the hell...?" She screeched.

"Shhh!" Nick placed a finger against his lips without looking at her and strained his head to listen to the other side of the door they were currently pressed up against.

There was no space between them right now. None at all. His chest was flush alongside hers and she could feel his ribcage move as he breathed. Jess found herself staring at his neck, at the spot just below his jaw where the skin was taut and she could see it pulsing. She had an overwhelming urge to place her lips against that part of him, just for a second, but managed to push it back down. Now was not the time.

"Nicholas?! Is that you?" Schmidt narrowed his eyes and padded through the kitchen towards them.

"What's going on?" Jess whisper-shouted.

"Schmidt can't know we're in here! If he sees us, he'll know I went to the wedding without him and he'll never forgive me for taking you instead..."

"Wait..."

"Shhh!" He hushed her more fiercely this time, sensing their roommate just outside.

"Nick? You can't hide from me forever! I know you're in here, I can smell the deceit...I saw your giant head in the background of an Instagram post from that butt-faced friend of yours. You went to the wedding without me, you traitor! And I can tell you used my good cologne - AGAIN - do you even know how expensive that is?! Ugh, and I bet you sprayed it under your dirty, unwashed armpits too, you heathen!"

Nick ducked his head and held his breath, willing his friend to _shut the hell up_ and disappear.

"You'll regret this is the long run, mark my words! I'm like an elephant - Schmidtty never forgets...well, that, and I have an enormous trunk! OK, OK, I'm gonna jar myself for that one!" He took a second to laugh at his own joke before continuing "Whoever this date is that you ditched me for, she'd better be worth it...I mean, I highly doubt it, but whatever..."

Jess's eyes grew big at the sudden realisation of Schmidt's words. Nick had lied to her. Convinced her to go with him on false pretences. Jess swallowed hard as she looked at him. Tilting her head, she spoke slowly.

"But...you said Schmidt couldn't make it to the wedding because he was working on a 'big project' for his boss."

"I know what I said, Jessica..." his gravelly breath was on her cheek and his words fell soft as velvet against her skin. Nick bought one hand down, tracing his fingers along her jawline and she couldn't help but close her eyes at the sensation. When she opened them, he was looking down at her and for a second she felt like she couldn't breathe. As if the oxygen had been sucked from her lungs. The air around them was practically sparking with electricity, and before a single thought had time to cross her mind, his mouth was on hers in a wonderfully hot and heavy kiss. She welcomed his tongue with hers immediately, wanting nothing more in this moment but to be closer to him than she had ever been before. Jess grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him in to her as he wrapped one arm tight around her waist, the other still resting on her face.

It was at this exact moment that Nick's inner voice decided to scream at him and demand that he stop what he was doing immediately. Sure, they'd been intimate before at the wedding and her staff party but that was different. A game, almost. It never happened like this before. In the loft - where they live. This was crossing a boundary that, frankly, scared the shit out of him. No matter how sexy it was.

 _'You never think before you act!'_

 _'There are consequences to your actions!'_

 _'What is done can never be undone!'_

And a whole host of other clichés he had heard a million times over. He'd never noticed before, but his inner voice had started to sound a lot like Caroline. Doubting him and making him second guess himself. But, it had a point. He liked Jess a lot.. _.a lot_. But what if this wasn't what she wanted? What if this was just going to open a can of worms and make a giant mess of their - pretty damn awesome - friendship? They were roommates and would have to see each other every single day after tonight. What if she ended up trying to avoid him? Would things get so uncomfortable that she would decide to move out?

Oh, shit.

What if she moved out because of this?

His mind was of course jumping to the worst possible outcome and running away with it. As per freaking usual. Here come the Miller panic sweats.

He had to stop this. And fast, because he could feel Jess's arm snaking up his back and pretty soon he would _not_ be able to walk away from her no matter how hard he tried. Using every ounce of self control he still possessed, he suddenly broke their embrace and stepped back from her so quickly that her eyes were still closed as he saw her brow furrow in confusion when she registered the lack of contact between them. Opening one eye, the question was written all over her face so clearly that she didn't even need to speak it before he answered.

"I'm sorry." Nick spoke through short, fast breaths "We can't keep doing this. We _agreed_."

Jess paused for a moment as she regained her composure. He was correct, of course. There _was_ a good reason they introduced the rule at his cousins wedding, but screw it - rules were made to be broken.

"We did, you're right. But everyone used to agree that the world was flat, and look how that turned out..."

"Well, it might be..." He said, scowling.

"The world is not _flat_ , Nicholas!"

"You don't know that for sure. No one does!"

"Uh, yeah they do! Astronauts, for one. They've seen it with their own eyes!"

"I don't trust astronauts..."

" _What?!_ What does that even mean?"

"I saw this documentary on Netflix and...you know what? It doesn't matter, you wouldn't understand anyway - and stop changing the subject!" His face was serious and he sighed before speaking again "Look, it's just not a good idea, ok? Not like this."

"Not like _what_?"

"You know...we've been at a wedding all day, we've been drinking...it's easy to get carried away! To get swept up in the heat of the moment of this fake boyfriend/girlfriend thing we keep doing and...and...end up with our heads in the clouds not thinking about the consequences..." he rambled, arms flailing about as he struggled to get his point across.

"Head in the clouds?! Are you calling me an airhead, Nick?" She accused, outraged by the insinuation.

"What?! No!" He threw his eyes heavenwards "You're twisting my words, Jessica!"

"Pretty sure that's what you just said. You think I'm getting 'swept up in the heat of the moment'? Like I can't separate fact from fiction?"

"I never said that..."

"Maybe it's not me, huh? Maybe _you_ can't separate the two. Ever think about that? I mean, what are you so afraid of?" Her eyes were bugging slightly as she yelled at him. He couldn't answer her honestly, so he didn't answer at all.

They stared at each other having reached an impasse. He took another step back, ran his hand across his face and through his hair, resting it on the back of his neck. She hadn't taken her eyes off him for a moment and it was making him uncomfortable. He had no idea what to do _now_. This was even more awkward than he thought. _Should have just ignored the voices and carried on, Nicholas_.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her moving her arms in the dim light of his room. And then a sound.

"Bwock, bwock, bwock..."

"What is that...?" Nick rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"You chicken, Miller? Bwoooock bwoooock" she clucked while flapping her crooked arms in an exaggerated fashion "Too scared to have a little fun? We're still on the clock after all."

"I know what you're trying to do. It isn't going to work." He stood, with his hands defiant on his hips and chest puffed out. She repeated the action a couple more times, adding in a peck with her head for good measure.

"Come on, Jess, cut it out..."

"Ok, fine." she huffed and her hands fell still against her sides. Nick was pretty sure he could hear disappointment in her voice and it made his heart beat faster. Maybe she _did_ want this for real after all?

"Sure. I'll go...you know, if you're not _man_ _enough_ to handle all of this." Her words were intended to be flippant, a throwaway comment as she exited, but they came out sharp and made him wince. Jess wasn't sure where all of that had come from, she just desperately wanted to not have to leave. She wanted to shout at him to just grab her and be done with it. But clearly they weren't on the same page. She turned slowly on her heel and rested her hand on the doorknob. Turning it, Jess could feel his rejection smarting and fought the urge to look back at him. Just as she started to pull the door ajar, Nick's arm flew over the top of hers and slammed it shut again. She stayed facing away, feeling his body so close behind her that she could sense the heat of him. His hand was pressed against the door above her shoulder, his breathing heavy and loud by her ear. Nick placed his left hand on her hip before speaking with certainty.

"I'm man enough..."

He moved his right hand down to her other hip and turned her around to face him. Keeping a firm hold, he dipped his head to kiss her and slowly pressed his lips to hers, feeling her open her mouth to welcome him. Jess could tell this kiss was different. He was really taking his time. It was like he was savouring every second. Their tongues met, softly playing across one another as he pushed them back against the door. She bought her arms up around his neck, one hand settling on the spot at the base of his skull, stroking the hair there and sending a shiver right through him. Their kissing intensified and his mouth was harder against her. It became messy and frantic and their hips instinctively pressed towards each other. Jess was making little noises against him every time he rocked in to her and he wanted to just take her right here and now while leaning on the door because it felt _fucking magical_.

"Bed." Nick growled suddenly as he stepped back from her grip.

"What?" She panted.

"My Bed. Now. Go." He ordered and pointed across the room.

"I know where your bed is, dummy..." She shot back, trying to sound calm and in control when really she felt anything but. He took a second to peek around outside his door, checking they were definitely alone before closing it. Jess heard him click the lock shut and a thrill coursed through her at the sound.

He'd locked them in.

Or locked Schmidt out. Same difference.

Jess stood next to his bed, unsure if she should perch on the edge or lie back on the pillows like some kind of seductress. One seemed too little, the other far too much. It didn't matter anyway, because he was standing back in front of her in a matter of seconds. Close enough to touch, his shirt sleeves rolled up exposing his forearms in that way that now made her insides turn to mush. She searched his face, wondering if this was really happening.

"It's 12:08..." Jess offered quietly after catching sight of his clock. Last chance to change their minds.

"I don't care..." Nick mumbled, and was on her in a flash, lifting her up off the floor. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him feverishly. He held one hand on her butt cheek and the other buried itself in her hair, keeping her lips on his as he lowered them both down on to the mattress. She could feel the delicious weight of his body on top of hers and it gave her goosebumps. Jess pulled him close and drew one knee up alongside his hip. Nick ran his hand all the way up her leg and brushed his fingertips against the material of her underwear, making him harder than he ever thought possible. Out of nowhere, he felt himself being tugged to the bed as she pressed her leg in to him, making him lie on his back so she could straddle his thighs. Undoing the buttons of his shirt, she ran her fingers across his chest and dug her nails in ever so slightly as he cocked an eyebrow at her and pressed his hips up to her groin making her bite back a little moan. She leaned forward to place little kisses on his body, making her way up to his throat and that spot of skin she was so desperate to taste earlier. Jess heard him groan as she nibbled at his neck and she ground herself down against him just to further the torment. Nick grabbed her waist with both hands and flipped them over so she was on her back again.

"You little tease!" He breathed into her mouth as he kissed her once more. Jess locked her legs around him and drew the hardness in his trousers tight against her, driving a bolt of pleasure through them both with the friction, then tried to shove him on to his side so she could switch places again. Nick broke away and looked down at her frustrated.

"What are you doing?" He said.

"What are _you_ doing?" She countered.

"Will you just stay still and let me kiss you, Jessica?"

He grabbed her elbows to keep her pinned underneath him but she couldn't help arguing "You can kiss me and not have to be on top, you know!"

Wrestling free, Jess flung herself forward at him one last time so he fell backwards, landing with his head by the foot of the bed. Arms resting on his exposed chest, she propped herself up and glowered at him "God, you're so annoying!"

"Are you serious right now? You're gonna start insulting me while we're doing this?"

"Because you always have to make things so _difficult_ , Nick!"

"Would you just shut up already!" He got hold of her under the arms and pulled her higher up his body so her face was level with his.

"Make me..." She demanded, feeling more turned on than she ever had done before and not quite being able to figure out why, because she was currently fully clothed and arguing with a man-child from across the hall, which isn't usually conducive to getting hot under the collar.

Nick sat them both up and grabbed her face with his hands, silencing her with his mouth and stealing the breath that left her as he did. He reached around her back and unzipped her dress, letting it fall away slightly. A small smile curled his lips and he blinked a few times at the sight of her cleavage in the navy blue lacy bra she was wearing. The little pink bows on the straps adding the perfect amount of 'Jess'. She got to her knees and he did the same, enabling him to remove the dress completely. His mouth fell open as he saw her matching panties.

"Wow..." he breathed, and she giggled - which only served to turn him on even more. He ran his fingertips gently over her collar bone and Jess's eyes fluttered closed for a second as her skin tingled at his touch. Nick continued across her shoulders, sliding his hands under the straps of her bra that he was desperate to remove.

"You first..." Jess said, placing her hands over his and returning them to his side.

"No, really, ladies first - you know I'm a gentleman!" Nick laughed and tried to reach for her again, but she shook her head silently, slid her hands up his body and pushed his shirt down his arms making it land on the floor. Reaching for his belt buckle, Jess removed his trousers and placed her hands on his shoulders so he ended up on his back, still at the foot of his bed. She kissed him sweetly before draping a leg over his waist and looking him in the eye as she unhooked her bra. He was breathing loudly and she felt his dick twitch below her as she bent forward to kiss him again, her breasts brushing along his chest where he could feel her nipples hard against his skin. _Un-freakin-believable_.

"Jesus Christ, you're the most beautiful fucking woman I've ever laid eyes on..." Nick murmured against her lips, and he felt her smile at his words.

Jess shimmied herself down his body, laying kisses on his torso as she did until she was able to free him from the constraints of his boxers which she swiftly threw to one side. Previously, she'd have felt self conscious at this point, overthinking what was coming next - but Nick seemed to have unlocked a confidence within her. She felt _s_ _exy_ when she was with him, and now it didn't seem to phase her at all that he was watching intently as she lowered her mouth to his erection. Quite the contrary - she liked it. So she held his gaze and licked her lips before running her tongue along the length of his penis and taking him in her mouth.

"Holy mother of..." Nick closed his eyes and exhaled sharply as she continued to bob up and down, stroking him with her hand, stopping every now and then to run her tongue across his tip and circle him.

"Ok, Jess...you've got to stop...I can't..." He was squirming now, eager for her to move away because he could tell this wasn't going to last long if she carried on. But she willfully ignored him and began doing that thing with her lips again and...

 _Oh, my_...

"Stop, stop!" He begged, placing his hands on her shoulders and pushing her off gently. Jess came away with a pop, letting him fall from her mouth with a smirk. Still breathing heavily, Nick moved himself up on to his elbows and leaned forward as she sat back on her heels, challenging him with a mischievous glint in her eye. Grabbing her around the waist, he guided Jess down to the bed so she was on her back. Looming over her, his hands stroked up her arms, pinning them next to her head and lacing their fingers together. He brushed his nose along her cheek, murmuring against her ear " _You_...cannot be trusted!" before kissing her neck and making her let out a laugh as she turned her head to him. Keeping her hands trapped on the pillow, Nick lowered his head down to her bare stomach and slowly ran his tongue from her belly button all the way up to the dip below her throat causing her to giggle "That tickles!"

"It was meant to..." He replied with a husky whisper, then fixed his gaze on her eyes, looking up from where she lay beneath him with her hair fanned out like a _fucking angel_ \- lips plump, begging to be kissed by him again and - just like that - the mood changed. The air fizzed and crackled around them once more. His eyes swept across her features and she saw them darken, making the heat of anticipation fill her stomach. Jess swallowed thickly and bit her bottom lip as she sensed his breathing quicken above her and she gave the slightest of nods to him. It was all he needed.

His mouth was all over her in seconds, nipping at her jaw, sucking on her earlobe and kissing her so deeply she had to break away to catch her breath. Nick traced a finger down her body, taking the time to caress her skin, her nipples, her hips, until he landed on her underwear. He feathered tiny kisses along the waistband before removing them with one hand (skilful - he'd done this before, surely) and stroking the soft skin of her thigh. Since that night in the photobooth, he hadn't stopped thinking about doing this again. He touched her slowly at first, making her let out a tiny moan here and there as he built up the pace and pressure before using his fingers and making her gasp his name. Jess bucked her hips against his hand and grabbed the back of his head as he moved to gently place her right nipple in his mouth. She had never experienced anything like this before. The pleasure rippled through her from head to toe. He was far too good at this. Her insides felt like they were on fire - but in a good way.

Tilting her head back against his pillows, Nick watched as Jess's mouth opened in the shape of an 'O', perfectly matching the noise that was coming from the back of her throat and sending him insane as she came undone once again at his hands.

Jess pulled his head up to hers and kissed him slowly as she came down from the heady cloud he had put her on. He held her tightly to him and just _kissed_ her back. Like he meant it. Open mouths and dancing tongues. Heat and passion, and, and...oh my god, she needed him right now.

Right.

Now.

Nick reached across to his nightstand to retrieve a condom but she grabbed his arm.

"No." She panted.

"You want me to stop?" He asked, concerned.

"No...I mean...we don't need to...I'm on...uh...you know...birth control..." Jess was still out of breath but she got to the point eventually.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and kissed him again, returning his arm to the spot at her side where it had previously rested on her hip. Nick lifted his head up to look at her, and brushed away the hair from her face. The disheveled look was actually really working for her right now. He knew she would think she looked a red-faced, perspiring mess - but he was damned if he'd ever seen anything more sexy in his entire life. He pressed a tender kiss to her lips, and a second and a third for good measure before he moved to place himself between her legs and pushed into her so slowly it was a perfect balance of glorious and torturous. They let out moans in unison as he went as far as he could and then stopped. Just holding them there in the moment, feeling her adjust to him and thinking he had died and gone to heaven. He pulled back, drawing another gasp from her lips and entered her again, just as slowly.

"Oh _god_ , Nick..."

Jess had one arm hooked under his, the other was resting on his backside, urging him forward and spurring him on. He picked up his pace a little, giving her what she wanted. He had his forehead resting on hers and could feel her breathy little moans against his neck with every thrust. Just when he could sense that Jess was on her way, Nick pulled out completely with no warning - making her cry out in frustration, until he ducked his head down between her legs and grabbed her thighs, bringing her to his mouth.

He'd never really heard Jess swear much before that moment, but the expletives that came flying out of her were something a sailor would be proud of. And he loved it. He teased her mercilessly until her fingers were tangled in his hair, legs wrapped around his neck as he kissed and sucked and stroked her until she couldn't take it anymore. Nick sat up and grabbed her hands, pulling her with him, despite her confusion. He lifted her into his lap so her legs were wrapped around his waist and he kissed his way up her neck, stroking his hands up her back. Jess responded by rocking her hips against him eagerly. He didn't need asking twice, and pushed himself up to meet her downwards motion so that he was inside her again.

"Oh my god..."

"Oh my _god_..."

"Fuck..."

" _Fuck_..."

They had started to mirror one another as Nick grabbed her hips and bucked up harder in to her. The angle and the friction were so close to making Jess lose herself completely. She was pulsing in her most sensitive areas, could feel the waves building in her core and the heat was spreading through her body every time she felt Nick groan into her mouth. He rested his head on her shoulder as he thrust harder, faster, their bodies hot and sticking together from the sweat. He'd never felt anything so perfect. Jess was grinding against him, helping in taking them both to the edge before he felt her spasming around him, drawing out his release as they both cried out.

They sat that way for a while, just holding on to one another tightly, feeling their hearts pounding against their chests and struggling to calm their breathing. Nick eventually collapsed backwards on the mattress and pulled her with him, so Jess was lying with her head on his chest. She found the rhythmic rise and fall of his ribcage quite hypnotic and let herself close her eyes as he played with her hair. Sighing, Jess realised she couldn't stay that way forever. She needed to go and clean up so excused herself and grabbed a towel from his dresser to cover her modesty before very carefully tiptoeing to the bathroom without disturbing anyone else.

When she returned to his room, Nick was sat up on his pillows, still naked but under the sheets. She gave him a shy smile and he grinned back, making her heart swell.

"So, I was just doing some thinking while you were out of the room..."

"We've spoken about this, Nicholas - no good can come from you thinking." She laughed as he stuck his tongue out and continued to talk.

"...anyway...I know I promised today was the last time I'd ask you but, I have this big family party coming up in a few weeks and..."

Jess zoned out of the rest of his sentence. Her stomach dropped and her heart ached. He's still talking about carrying on this stupid little charade. That's all this was to him. A silly game, and she was the prize. What a fool. What a damned fool. She stood abruptly and threw her dress back on quickly, retrieving her underwear and making a move for the door.

"Jess? What's wrong? Where are you going?"

 _'Shit'_ he thought _'I've blown it. I knew this was a bad idea'_

"I...uh...I'm sorry, I have to uh...early start tomorrow so..."

"But you never answered my question."

"Question?" She said, trying to sound like she didn't care or hadn't heard, when really she could feel her soul crumbling inside.

"Yeah, the family party next month - what d'ya say? One more for the road? I mean, I think we make a pretty good team..."

"I can't..."

"Oh..." He sighed. _'God, she can't get out of here fast enough, look at her, desperate to leave.'_

"Sorry. I just don't think it's wise, you know?"

"Why?"

She stood quiet for the longest time. So much so that Nick started to wonder if she'd heard him ask in the first place. Eventually her voice came out of the silence as she took a step forward.

"Because I don't think I can carry on pretending anymore, Nick..."

His brows shot heavenward. Definitely not the reply he had been expecting. He instantly reached for her hand and tugged her back towards him until she had perched against the edge of his bed. He sighed heavily and looked down at his lap, as if trying to find the words he needed. Jess was steeling herself for the rejection she was sure was coming, so much so that she began to mentally make a list of places she would have to check for a new apartment to live in. She certainly couldn't stay here after this. It would be way too weird. Imagine having to live across the hall from your one night stand.

When she looked up, Nick was just staring at her, incredulous.

"What?" She asked, nervously.

"Jess, none of what we've been doing recently has been pretend. For me, at least. I realised pretty quickly that I wasn't coming back from this. I mean, if I didn't do a good enough job of showing that to you just now then I may as well give up on sex and become celibate, because I'm clearly not as great at it as I thought..." He tried to laugh but it came out as a strangled, high pitched noise that gave away how nervous he was to finish his sentence "I only suggested going to that other party because, honestly, I wasn't exactly sure how you really felt about all this..." Nick gently squeezed her hand in his "...but I knew I didn't want it to end yet."

"Really?" She whispered.

"I swear. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. There's no one else I'd like to spend time in a photo booth with quite as much as you, Day!"

She grinned and he tugged her closer to him, settling her sideways across his legs and kissing her like crazy. Jess broke away and slid an arm around his neck, playing with the hair there in the way he'd come to adore. Biting her bottom lip, she met his gaze.

"So...us... _this_...is real?"

"This is real..." he smiled "I told you I was no good at make believe, Jessica..."

 ***A/N - SO, THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!**

 **I HOPE YOU LIKED READING, IF SO PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW - REVIEWS WELCOMED!***


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